When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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