you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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