wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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