No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
