remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
