Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
