i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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