I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
