ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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