We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
