i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
