someone get that fucking seahorse.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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