Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
