rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
