do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
