Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
