happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
