R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
