She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
