can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
