just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
home. puking in laundry basket.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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