There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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