Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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