dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
