im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
