operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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