Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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