my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You pole danced in your parka.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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