They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
