I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
