So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
