You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
