i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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