I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
