The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
