apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
