What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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