Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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