I showed him my bush... on skype.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
