Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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