the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
