My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
