So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
