I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
