Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
