Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Still dying that you shit outside
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
