As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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