Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
