I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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