This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I want to fling myself into the sun
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
