My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
3pm strippers are depressing
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
