Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
